Meandering Midnight Melancholy Musings

 I lay there, staring at the ceiling. I wanted to sleep, but it eluded me. A gigantic tear, tinged with loneliness and oozing with self pity, leaked out of my eye and made the downward trek to my pillow. I hated feeling this way. I loathe it in my children, but despise it even worse in myself.
 I have all kinds of pep talks for my children when they act like this, but for now, I feel like allowing myself the indulgence of a full blown pity party. And, of course, when I start, I don't know where to stop. My "woe to me" list gets longer and longer as the minutes tick by.
 Summer used to be such a fun busy time. Now it is quiet and lonely. Teachers are gone back to their homes for summer vacation. Families packed up and gone, some for a few weeks, some for good.
 Oh, I had good intentions alright. This will be a prime time to reach out to people we don't know as well. A great time to make more new friends!
 But sometimes I simply miss the familiarity of old friends. Those times of being together with conversation casually drifting from one subject to the next. The comfortableness of being together often and knowing each other well. I know now each time we invite new friends over it will take an effort to find common ground and keep the conversation going.
 Sometimes I so badly want to be home. Like now. For that "certain something". Not in a few months. Not in a few weeks. But now. For that one event that "everyone" is going to. I'd be ok with coming back again to Grenada, if I could just be there for that certain event....Or sometimes simply for that gathering of close friends or family. I miss them. Alot.
 My blue mood continues....the new pastor couple will not be living within minutes of us after all, but will be moving to the Limes area. For over half a  year now, I had been looking so forward to having having another young family close by. I totally understand the wisdom in the decision however, as Limes Church is desperately in need of help. But still. Another thing to add to my list of woes.
 But worse, I feel so guilty and ashamed for feeling this way. With all the blessings I have in life I feel like I have no "right" to feel this way. And at times when I wonder if anyone understands or cares, I remember those tangible reminders of knowing people DO care. An email, unexpected package or a phone call out of the blue. They all mean so much. I pray those people will receive a blessing for remembering us. And I want to pass that kindness unto others. To think more of others and less of myself.
 I think of Jared Gehman's family. It has been a few months now since he's gone. Maybe they feel like people have moved on in life and forgotten about them. Since we had only known him a few hours, his death has left a bigger impact on us than his life. The white cross still stands nestled in the sand along the beach, bearing silent testimony to the young life that was lost there. It used to be a favorite swimming spot for our family but now the children don't want to go there. I thought it would be a nice place for family pictures, but Chris didn't want them taken at "that" spot. Too many painful memories.
  I think of the church here in Grenada. We need your prayers. With all the turmoil and unrest in the church, a split was inevitable. A division in the church is never easy and is painful for both sides. The devil is not satisfied to just split churches but works on dividing  families as well. Discouraged pastors attempt to strengthen the remnant that remains. A myriad of questions with no easy answers. Right now, the waters are muddy but I pray someday they will be clear again.
 I think of those impacted by the closing of Laura Church and school. I pray that someday it can be up and going again, and through all this, it will be even stronger than before.
  I am thankful for a mission board that cares and shows it through visits and sacrificing time and energy for the sake of the people on this island. It is not for pay that they sacrifice time with their families or take phone calls in the middle of the night, but only a love for the people. I pray that they would have wisdom and discernment to know how to make the many tough decisions that need to be made.
I am thankful for my house. A solid concrete house. A blessing with hurricane season being right around the corner.
 I am thankful for the knowledge of truth. We are almost in Carnival season and many people are gearing up for the evil holidays. Here are a few experts I gleaned from my search on what exactly Carnival season is...."multi-colored "devils" run wild and steel bands rock the island during "Jouvert." They dance through the roads from their respective villages, into the town of St George's, passionately chanting, boxing the air and scattering baby powder with abandon.
  The traditional Jab-Jab or Devil Mass Bands emerge from the darkness of the night to parade freely through the town. Blackened with stale molasses, tar, grease or mud, and wearing little more than their horned helmets, these masqueraders set out to terrify onlookers with their grotesque appearance and repulsive dances.  The Jab Jab (from diable, French for devil) is one of the main characters in Grenada's Carnival. The Jab is known for wild dance routines, pelvic thrusting and the habit of threatening to press his bitumen-smeared body against well-dressed spectators, especially those that are unwilling to "pay the devil."
  But beyond the wild pelvic thrusts and effort to exhort "small change", the Jab Jab's act includes biting social criticisms of the mighty and an unrestrained spewing of cusswords...."
  Many people fly into Grenada to celebrate this holiday, which starts Sunday, August 10 and lasts for a few days. We already hear Carnival music frequently blaring from large speakers set in neighbors back yards or from vehicle's open windows. The one song is simply pounding drums, with the words, "Carnival come, carnival come," being incessantly repeated. It can drive you batty after awhile. We see people preparing their costumes, headgear being painted green, complete with devilish looking horns out either side. Chains that will be wrapped around themselves and dragged behind them as they dance to the loud pulsating music.  Wild exotic dances are already being practiced out in the open streets. Rum, drugs and alcohol will flow even more freely than it does already. If you think about it, pray for the island during this time! And for our children...they see and hear lots of things children shouldn't ever be exposed to.
 I am thankful for mosquito spray! Along with rainy season came swarms of those little critters! I thought I was big and tough and immune to their bites but they showed me otherwise!
 But most of all, I am thankful that the God that lead us to this island is the same God that still watches over us. And when I am sad and lonely I remember the great sacrifice He made and it makes my sacrifice seem so so small in comparison.

 Postlude: This post has been sitting here for a few days now and as I reread it, I have the overwhelming urge to hit the delete button. I sound so ungrateful and like life is all about me and my woes. Yes, I wanted to be real and open on this blog, but I'm hesitant to be THIS real. It helps me to tap out my thoughts and feelings but then as I reread what I wrote, I see how silly it sounds. But I guess I am only human and these are some of the feelings I deal with. This is certainly not written to put anyone on a guilt trip or to cause you to make a mad dash to the computer to send me an email. But you may if you want to...haha:)

 Here is what we've been up to lately....
 

                                                      Bible Quiz day with all three schools

                                                         Oh, the tension and stress!!:)

                                                Even the teachers got a chance to compete:)

I was rather shocked (for various reasons) that Christi happened to pop out of her seat first for a question...then I realized...obviously she hadn't listened to her coach too well. It was a free question and there was no need for speed. The worst part was.....she didn't even know the answer. Sometimes children make moms proud, sometimes they don't.....(either way, we love them:))

The 7th member of our family trying to look prim and proper

                     Someone is a little nervous about going up front of all those people to sing.....

While everyone else back home was celebrating America's independence, we were celebrating our last day of school. The evening prior to their last day, they had their Awards Ceremony and program

                        Kaylah receiving an award for something from her teacher, Mr. Moses

                              All school song...some sing with all their heart....some lip synch....:(

                                                            Legs work fine for a swing....

                                               Monkeys like licorice as good as humans...

                           "Do I look better if I lean a little and prop my arm on her leg like this...."

                                         ...."or sit up straight and look right at the camera?"

A sunset view from an old fort

 And then came the niners...as we called them. A group of 9 girls that couldn't have came at a better time! For us, anyway. One of the responsibilities as business administrator is to get houses cleaned out and ready for the next "batch" of teachers. With all the changes going on down here right now, there were some houses to totally clean out and some newly rented ones to clean and furnish. In addition to that, summer is the perfect time to give the school a good cleaning. The first week we focused on helping with Laura Vacation Bible School and the next week they cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. And baked and painted. Did I already mention how glad we were for their help?:) Non complaining, hard workers. They don't come much better than that!

 The one Sunday they were here, we hiked to Mt Caramel. There is a beautiful water falls and a natural water slide there. "Euran, don't get too close to the edge up top!" Made me alittle nervous!

                                          Collin climbing out of the water hole, my sweet sensitive son

                       Carter sliding down the rock slide, my care free, fun loving son!:)

 This is a good way to wear out clothes and guaranteed, you'll come back with holes in your seating area:) We always wear rags and swimsuits underneath for an added layer of padding. The rock slide is fairly smooth but not perfect!

                                         Daddy and daughter conquering the high jump

                         We found a rope swing hanging in a tree and had fun with that!

    And then the work...cleaning Dan & Amy Burkholder's house.We enjoyed getting to know them this past half year and will miss them down here! We wish them the best as they adjust to life back home...

                                  Doing some baking for the new family coming and
                                 some cookies to take along to our visit to the hospital.

The whole group...Kendall cooked a pot of oil down before the teachers went back. It was delicious!

                     We joined Limes Church for a cottage meeting. There are 4 WATER
                                     students here right now for the month of July

 Just a random picture of a road crew. The government hires groups for 2 weeks at a time to go along and clean up the sides of the roads. This is all done with a cutlass and a weed eater...hard workers!

                               Some pictures from the capital town of Grenada, St. George's

              I wish this picture was a scratch and sniff....that roasting chicken smelled sooo good!

                                                An outside view of the meat market

                                             Ryan Horst with Collin and Carter

                                     Another Sunday hike to see this natural bridge

                          Carter came to me one day and said he has something to tell me...
                                                I don't know why it struck me so funny:)

               This is a common scene...dog stretched out at his feet without a care in the world,
             while his master scratches his head and tries to make numbers meet on the computer.....

Again, we thank you for your prayers! A few requests if you think about it...
*Carnival Camp, an activity planned for church attenders over Carnival season in hopes to keep them from being a part of it
*new teachers that are planning to teach next term....will be arriving in August
*Marv & Jen Lapp and their 5 children. They plan to arrive July 28
*that we don't lose our passion and focus through all the changes